Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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