Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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