3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
