i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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