You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
