So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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