Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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