I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
