I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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