omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
