The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
