My cat gives me a boner
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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