hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
