tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
