so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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