Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
