its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
