I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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