nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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