So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
