If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
