Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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