For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
PANTIES FOUND
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
