You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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