Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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