I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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