Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
