My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
