question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
