Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
