okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
