Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
