Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
