Where is the hickey?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
