did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
