Your mouth is God's brothel.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont even know how to be here
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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