Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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