Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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