Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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