so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
