a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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