Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
