i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
