i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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