My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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