508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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