I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
