Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
