Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
