Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
