he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
