I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
