at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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