Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
