i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
