so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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