here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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