I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
