So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
