Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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