I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
