I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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