Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
