I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
