my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
