Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was born a porn star she said
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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