their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
