it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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