I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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