She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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