If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bring me that man meat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
