i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So squirting runs in the family.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
