Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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