found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
