Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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