yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I FOUND THE LEGS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
