is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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