My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
