Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
