I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize