i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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