Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
