Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
honey bunches of taint.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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