You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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