Your face is a jimmy john
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
