You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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