How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
