1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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