just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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