I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
