I'm eating all of the evidence.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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