HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
